konfessions of the Koog

So, I’m in talking with my officemate, GZ, and she’s telling me about this wedding she must attend in April and she needs a date. This is causing her much stress, which leads to a very stressful workday for Koog. Ever since I’ve known GZ, which has been all of 4 months, she’s been looking for a companion. Now, she’s barking up the wrong tree asking me for dating advice. All of my friends are either married, too old or pervs. A select few are all of the above and I salute each and every one of you! OK, so back to GZ. She needs a date. Here are her criteria (in order of importance): 1. Must be hot. ( if you’re hot , married and pervy are fine) 2. Tall (no midgets will be considered at this time) 3. Witty (I’ve tried to tell her that I’m witty, but alas, I am too short) 4. Must have most, if not all teeth (white-ish is preferred) 5. Clothing is NOT optional (at the wedding, the after party is negotiable) If you’re interested, send an e-mail and a pic to koog.rules@gmail.com. Void wh

So it’s 2006. My annual tradition of making and breaking New Year’s resolutions is in full swing. On New Year’s Eve, I resolved to: -Work out more (because I’m becoming increasingly porky) -Stop complaining about being coupled (when I’m secretly ecstatic about it) -Stop throwing my clothes on the floor -Clean out my closet to make more room for the Girlfriend’s stuff -Delete the myriad episodes of American Chopper from the Girlfriends TiVo -Give up “Good and Plenty” candy, cold turkey It’s the third week in January, and I have to say, I’m failing miserably on nearly all of my resolutions. I can’t even say, “I’ve tried,” because on some, I haven’t. OK, let’s do a re-cap of my status on each resolution: Work out more —this has already been broken, as I have actually worked out less in all of 2006 than I did in the last week of December 2005. Soon, I’ll need to wear my pants below my belly and exit my house sideways to make room for my girth. After that, it's plumbers crack and a