Thursday, September 22, 2005

Harsh Illuminations

So, the Girlfriend and I have hit some bumps.

Lately, I've been feeling a little taken for granted. I know that's a wuss thing to say, but it's true. The honeymoon is over. We don't see each other through the blissful filters and soft lighting that in the beginning made each of us look flawless. Now we're under harsh low-end department-store-like fluorescents that enhance even the most subtle blemishes and cause headaches until your eyes can adjust.

In the beginning, the soft focus days, there were e-mails with things like "must do something other than think of you" and "you are always on my mind." Now, I'm lucky if I get complete sentences and a signature.

I've never thought of myself as high maintenance, but maybe I am. Is it wrong to want a bit of the niceties back in our relationship? Am I wrong to want this? Am I wrong to feel shortchanged since I'm not getting it? Am I wrong to write about it publicly? I've always been of the opinion that feelings are never wrong or right, they just are what they are.

As I write this, I'm starting to think of her. See her face, hear her voice, her laugh and I'm smiling. You see, we've not seen a whole lot of each other lately. Work, family visits, conflicting schedules and life in general has gotten in our way, interrupted our flow. The only thing we have now is words to express ourselves. No eye contact, no smiles across the room, no cuddling at night. Nothing but words.

That's the problem. We've agreed that I'm effusive and she's not. It's just not her style. She shows her feelings by doing things. All it takes is a quick glance in her eyes and I know what she's thinking, how she's feeling. That's worth more than a few nice words in an e-mail, but right now, e-mails and words are all we have.

This is the first time in our relationship that we've hit a snag. I guess our eyes are adjusting to reality's harsh lighting. Once we focus, all will be ok.

2 Comments:

Blogger DivineMsN said...

Dear Koog:

There are going to be times where things don't go smoothly. Fear not. I know you two love each other and will work things out. Just make sure that the two of you make time for just the two of you.

Monday, September 26, 2005 3:18:00 PM  
Blogger Dolly1325 said...

Yeah, don't worry, things work out fine. It just takes time for both of you to get adjusted to each other. That's the toughest part anyway. And it always seems like one person has a higher "romantic" level than the other. In my relationship, I'm the more thoughtful one - not that he doesn't love me and think about me, but he's not good about showing it. He's not of a romantic mindset - not everyone is, but have no fear, it'll work out just fine.

And reconnecting time is never a bad thing. A date with the back porch, a glass of wine and good conversation is always a good thing. Even if you feel connected. (That's my favorite!!) Of course, Texas is still warm enough to be outside at night without freezing anything off.

Good luck!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 3:36:00 PM  

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