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Swimming to shore

It's hard to leave something you've been a part of for a number of years. As soon as the decision is made to move on from something you've spent a significant amount of time building, you get nostalgic. Maybe it's not that bad? Maybe the environment will recover? No, none of these things will improve.

I'm faced with this situation now. I've been with something for a few years, worked tirelessly to make it better, took it to the pinnacle, watched it nearly crumble and now need to make the hard decision to move on.

Personally, I need to be challenged and this situation lent itself to that perfectly. Facing multiple, seemingly insurmountable, intellectual obstacles was fun to me. Everyday was unique. Everyone on the team was brilliant and dedicated. Each day we faced different challenges, dealt with difficult personalities, but we were all committed to a common goal: personal and professional growth with monetary rewards for all. We were pure-hearted capitalists.

But over the past year, it's been different. The challenges changed and the goal shifted to a money-only focus. Gone were the haute intellectual battles fought with strong esprit de corps. They were replaced with personality conflicts and hidden agendas. No one stepping up when there was a problem, instead it was a quick retreat with index fingers pointed toward the closest colleague.

I can't function in this type of environment. Actually, I won't function this way. Of course, I can play the political games and am usually quite savvy at it. But for what? It's not like I'm politicking with intellectual Olympians here, it's more like playing chess with a bunch of Uno players. Maybe I'm arrogant? I am. I admit it. But I can't play that game.

My team felt the same way. I'm watching them leave one by one. Nostalgic about past successes, but unwilling to fight another battle for a seemingly endless war, they walk away. One at a time. To new positions, to new cities, to new lives.

Will I ever be as smart as I was with these brilliant people behind me? Probably not. Will I ever have a team that offered so much support, and sometimes tough-love? No.

Heraclites once said "you can never step into the same river twice."

I'm drenched and am swimming to shore. I hope the people I find on whatever beach I land are as amazing as those I swam with for so long.

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